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30 Things to Stop Doing To Yourself

As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”  Nothing could be closer to the truth.  But before you can begin this process of transformation you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back.   Here are some ideas to get you started: Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.  If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you.  You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot.  Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth.  And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends. Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on.  No, it won’t be easy.  There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them.  We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems.  That’s not how we’re made.  In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall.  Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time.  This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become. Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself.  Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves.  Read The Road Less Traveled. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.  Yes, help others; but help yourself too.  If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you likeeveryone else.  Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you.  Don’t change so people will like you.  Be yourself and the right people will love the real you. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one. Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing.  Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success.  You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us.  We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past.  But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.  Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come. Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive.  But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either.  You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else.  Read Stumbling on Happiness. Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place.  Evaluate situations and take decisive action.  You cannot change what you refuse to confront.  Making progress involves risk.  Period!  You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first. Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises.  Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely.  It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company.  There’s no need to rush.  If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet.  Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you.  But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you. Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others doing better than you.  Concentrate on beating your own records every day.  Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only. Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.  Ask yourself this:  “What’s something I have that everyone wants?” Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you.  You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough.  But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past.  You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation.  So smile!  Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be. Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart.  You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate.  Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.”  It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.”  Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself!  And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too.  If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time. Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway.  Just do what you know in your heart is right. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it.  If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.  Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things.  The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you. Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.  Read Getting Things Done. Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile.  Don’t take the easy way out.  Do something extraordinary. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while.  You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well.  You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears.  The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again. Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life.  When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out.  But making one person smile CAN change the world.  Maybe not the whole world, but their world.  So narrow your focus. Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy.  One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time?  Three years?  Five years?”  If not, then it’s not worth worrying about. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen.  Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story.  If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right. Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life.  Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.  Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.  

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Learning to “Let Go” and Forgive

Posted by admin | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 19-03-2012


“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

- Lewis Smedes


Recently, I read Paulo Coelho’s beautiful new book The Aleph in which the lead character says a moving “Prayer of Forgiveness”.  The prayer touched me and made me reflect on how many people punish themselves, sometimes for many years by not forgiving others and themselves.


Of course, all of us at some point in our lives have been hurt by someone, or hurt someone, either intentionally or unintentionally. If the pain is intense we often hold onto our anger for a very long time. In our heads we play the scene many times, which only adds to our unrest.  The memory deepens and sometimes exaggerates resulting in the pain to intensify.


When the relationship is an important one, some of us will at some point make the move to resolve the conflict and eventually within time learn to let go and forgive the offending person.  But there will be many of us who continue holding onto anger, pain, resentment or guilt not realizing that in the end the person you damage the most is yourself.


Our whole life can get affected by this obsession; family, friends, work – and in some cases we can get so consumed that we forget about enjoying the beauty of what is happening around us; we stop appreciating the good things happening to us because we have filled ourselves with resentment, thus blocking love from entering.


We need to forgive and let go, so that we can start living life again by allowing love to enter. To do this:


First make a commitment to yourself that you want the best for yourself, after all your wellbeing is your priority. If you are not able to appreciate your life you will never have the courage to live the life you love.


Always remember that to forgive and let go is in your control; it is your choice.  If it was you that hurt another make amends; tell them or write to them about how you feel and then let go and forgive yourself.  Understand that you are human and as humans we all make mistakes.  If it was someone who hurt you then let them know, release yourself of the pain and resentment, why would you want to continue hurting yourself by holding onto this pain?  Negative thoughts deplete your energy and positive thoughts increase your energy and your thoughts are always in your control.


If the situation was very traumatic then it is important for you to get professional help to allow you to let go and forgive. Understand that this may, depending on the severity of the situation, take months or years, but it is only once you do this that you will be able to get peace of mind and allow your life to move forward.


To finish where I began; the beautiful “Prayer of Forgiveness” from The Aleph by Paulo Coelho:



The tears I shed, I forgive

The suffering and disappointments, I forgive

The betrayals and lies, I forgive

The slandering and scheming, I forgive

The hatred and persecution, I forgive

The punches that were given, I forgive

The shattered dreams, I forgive

The dead hopes, I forgive

The disaffection and jealousy, I forgive

The indifference and ill will, I forgive

The injustice in the name of justice, I forgive

The anger and mistreatment, I forgive

The neglect and oblivion, I forgive

The world with all its evil, I forgive


Grief and resentment, I replace with understanding and agreement

Revolt, I replace with music that comes from my violin

Pain I replace with oblivion

Revenge, I replace with victory


I will be able to love above all discontentment

To give even when I am stripped of everything

To work happily even when I find myself in the midst of all obstacles

To dry my tears even when I am still crying

To believe even when I am discredited


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